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Get Out Your Vomit Pan: Here’s the Email They Want Me to Send You

December 8th, 2018   |   By Tom Woods

Here’s a secret I’m almost certain you didn’t know.

When a product creator releases something new, he makes “email swipes” available to his affiliates. So when those affiliates promote his product, they don’t even have to write their own emails. They can just copy and paste these “swipes” and send them to their subscribers.

I never use these. They are excruciating. They sap my will to live.

You’re welcome.

I try to make every single email worth your time to open.

Inside you’ll find an illustrative story, or a news item tie-in, or something just plain amusing, such that you’ll find opening my emails worthwhile. (Want to hop on my entrepreneurship email list? Click here.)

And of course, I promote products that will make your life easier and more profitable, and I do my best to load them up with bonuses so you get the most bang for your buck.

Now….

Want a sample of what they want me to send you? Here you go.

Wow…I am BLOWN away!

What you about to get access to today is by far the BEST software bundle deal I have ever seen online…

You can finally STOP buying expensive software tools and paying hefty monthly fees for business automation tools!

The “biggest software bundle deal of the year” is HERE – it’s called AUTOMATION BUNDLE…

Here’s another snippet:

Customers and marketers from all around the world are RAVING about this brand new “All-inclusive” software bundle called AutomationBundle!

Within hours of release, AutomationBundle has become a BEST SELLER worldwide (there is good reason for that).

People who saw this technology in action are calling it…
‘Incredible Value Packed Offer’
‘Mind Blowing Deal’
‘Game Changing Software Bundle’
“Deal Of The Year”

Grab The 12-in-1 Software Deal at 95% OFF…

And so on.

I’m on lists where all they send are this kind of email every single day.

I stay on these lists not for the quality of the emails, but because they sometimes send me good offers that can make my business more effective, and I’m willing to endure the emails in order not to miss out on those things.

But yikes.

I do not subject you good folks to this.

Yet Automation Bundle is so good that even with emails like that, it sold 5000 copies on the first day.

If you want to build something online that generates revenue, you’d better (1) stand out; and (2) not try to do everything by hand.

Automation Bundle automates:

– Video Production (feel like doing that one yourself?)
– Webinar Marketing
– Email Marketing
– Graphics
– Traffic Generation
– Local Marketing
– Social Media
and more.

So let me wrap up by predicting your future(s).

(1) On January 1, you will resolve to start that online hustle.

(2) Automation Bundle closes six days from now, permanently, so unless you grabbed it by then, you won’t be able to get it.

So….

Future #1:

You let Automation Bundle pass you by.

On January 1 you’re super excited to get started.

On January 2 you realize how much is involved, and you sure wish you’d gotten that software suite that automates it for you.

On January 3 your hopes and dreams become so much roadkill along the information superhighway.

Future #2:

On January 1 you’re super excited to get started.

You picked up Automation Bundle as soon as you saw this email (the price increases several times during the day, so now’s the time).

On January 2 you are well on your way to being a wizard who absolutely %&!$@ dominates.

You know which future you want.

Plus, for not subjecting you to excruciating emails, reward me with this one click:

https://www.happyearner.com/automate

——-

How I Tortured Plagiarists

November 29th, 2018   |   By Tom Woods

In my days as a professor, I had some plagiarists.

I have zero sympathy for such people.

It was easy to spot a plagiarist. I would look at the person’s paper and know: college freshmen don’t write like this. The student has no idea what any of this means.

Then I’d find the source they copied from. It was easy: it was always on the first page of Google. You’d think they’d cover themselves a bit by checking out page 37, but they never did.

I’d then call the student into my office.

I would ask the squirming student what particular sentences meant.

One after the other.

They soon figured out that I knew.

And of course, they had no idea what those sentences meant.

One time a student actually swiped a passage from libertarian writer Wendy McElroy, whom I actually know.

On another occasion a student’s paper on Thomas Sowell’s book Civil Rights: Rhetoric or Reality? consisted of some Amazon reviews of the book strung together.

The one original sentence of the entire paper said something about racism being the cause of income disparities between blacks and whites, which is something like the opposite of the thesis of Sowell’s book.

Yesterday a friend of mine in the marketing world discovered that a reasonably well known young marketer had, for a second time [!], used huge passages of this guy’s advertising copy in his own offer.

My friend put up a side-by-side screenshot of his writing next to this other fellow’s. Absolutely identical.

It was devastating.

In the comments, people really piled on.

Eventually the perp himself showed up and came clean. He made no excuses. He apologized.

Some people said: what a guy! He didn’t make excuses! He apologized!

My response: what else could he do? He had no choice. An apology alone doesn’t make him a decent fellow. Nobody in his right mind in that thread will ever do business with him again.

And what a shame: that guy just blew one of the best gigs in the world. He sells mainly information products, which are infinitely reproducible, require no inventory, and have practically no overhead. People who work in this field can do so from anywhere and at any time.

I do a lot of this myself, and I’ve got a pretty darn nice life as a result.

How to do it?

Well, I got a free membership for you at something called Product Profits Club, which contains some helpful training videos and some recommended resources for people just starting out.

But don’t blow it like that jerk.

Just go claim that free membership:

https://www.happyearner.com/freemembership

My 22 Best Headlines

November 13th, 2018   |   By Tom Woods

Those of you who opened last night’s email [to my online business list; join it here] about becoming a New Yorker either laughed out loud or were horrified.

But those of you who did: I appreciate you. You looked at that subject line, simply had to know how I was going to deliver on it, and opened up and read.

I just looked over all the subject lines for this list in 2018. I’ve had some doozies.

Here’s the thing, though: they’re not clickbait. I deliver on these headlines, and I draw a business lesson out of the subjects discussed.

Here are my favorites from 2018. Note one thing they all have in common: they arouse curiosity.

Curiosity is the most powerful thing you can appeal to when it comes to email and marketing.

Here we go:

(1) I see dead people (handing me products to sell)
(2) Watch me punish a belligerent customer
(3) Stereotyping helped me not get swindled on Airbnb last night
(4) Now that my clothes are back on, I can give you the good news
(5) this guy was homeless. now I’m speaking at his conference
(6) So I brought a cup of my own urine to the savings bank
(7) I’m getting sick of Bruce Willis following me around
(8) Your military coup in the Land of the Knuckleheads
(9) Extreme couponers are chumps
(10) I watched a millionaire leave a one-dollar tip, and then reacted
(11) Report: Woods is “the most divisive figure alive” in the libertarian movement
(12) The only thing I ever promoted that *nobody* bought. And I mean nobody
(13) With Justice Kennedy retiring, the Nazi takeover is nearly complete
(14) That cat video got 100,000,000 views, and your blog has 12 visitors
(15) Real-life Nigerian demands I pay him $60,000 (I’m not joking)
(16) It’s LGBTQ Pride month. And that means…
(17) Nobody knew who I was, and I beat everyone. Then they knew.
(18) Hey Woods, how do you get so much done? The horrifying secret
(19) How I defended Ron Paul against the scum of the earth
(20) The cats keep pooping in my bathroom
(21) The tooth fairy, a.k.a. pathetic loser
(22) I just kicked my Uber driver in the rear end

A good subject line matters: it gets your reader’s attention. Eventually you hope to become good enough at this email game that it’s not the subject line but the “from” line that gets their attention. They see, say, Tom Woods, and they wouldn’t even consider not opening it.

I need especially good ones these days because if you miss my live Q&A session with Paul Counts, I will be genuinely unhappy. Rarely do we get the opportunity to pick the brain of someone as knowledgeable and successful as Paul.

He’ll get you over whatever that hurdle is.

Plus, you’ll be speaking to Patrick Henry’s seventh great-grandson, which is a novelty in itself.

Reserve your seat right away, and I’ll see you there:

http://www.tomwoods.com/counts

The Four Urine-Based Stages of Becoming a New Yorker

November 12th, 2018   |   By Tom Woods

When I told my college roommate, who was from Brooklyn, that I would be attending Columbia University for graduate school, he told me how I’d know I had truly become a New Yorker: I would reach stage four.

The four stages involved the subway.

Stage 1. You walk down the subway platform, and you wonder what that liquid on the ground might be.
Stage 2. You say to yourself, “Wait a minute. Could that be…?”
Stage 3. You walk right through it, paying no attention.
Stage 4. You’re on the subway platform late at night, there are no facilities, and you really have to go….

I never got to Stage 4, thank goodness.

You’ll note that the progression from stage one to stage four involves becoming desensitized. What once got your undivided attention no longer even registers.

Is that happening with that online income stream you promised yourself you’d build, as insurance against the pink slip?

You were all excited, and as the crush of daily life has taken over again, it’s back to meh.

I’m going to jolt you back into excitement and determination.

I managed to get Paul Counts, Patrick Henry’s seventh great grandson — no joke — to join us for a live Q&A. Ask whatever you want, and Paul, who’s a master of online business, will give you a good, meaty answer.

Paul, who’s been working for himself online for 19 years, knows everything there is to know about this stuff.

Bring your questions, or just listen and learn.

But for the sake of all that is sensible, reserve your spot and be there:

http://www.tomwoods.com/counts

The Strategy Nobody Tells You About

November 11th, 2018   |   By Tom Woods

Here’s how you can build a lucrative asset most people would kill for, without spending a dime.

In fact, this is precisely how I do it.

The strategy goes like this.

Offer a report or an eBook that helps solve a problem. (If you’d like to know easy ways to do this, ask us about it in the live Q&A we have coming up; trust me that this is not difficult.) In order to get the report, the visitor needs to enter his email address.

You are now building an email list, an asset of enormous value. (I know you know this by now.)

Now here comes the key step.

Once the visitor has opted in to get the report, take him to a page making him a one-time paid offer. (At the moment the person has shown an interest in the free content you have to offer, it makes sense to offer an inexpensive paid product that is related to what he opted in for.)

A modest percentage of people will take you up on this offer.

Here’s the beauty of this strategy: the money you earn from sales of the paid product can then be spent on paid traffic methods to build your list further.

In other words, you don’t use this money to enrich yourself, at least not directly. You pour it right back into your list-building efforts, and thereby make the building of your biggest asset completely costless.

Neat trick, eh?

This is called a “self-liquidating offer.” It’s one of those secrets few tell you about.

Of course, I left out one hurdle: how the heck are you going to create a paid offer in the first place? That sure sounds like a lot of work!

I’ll tell you how I did it.

I bought the rights to an extremely helpful tech course by Paul Counts that people working online are going to need. Over 100 bite-sized, step-by-step videos.

So I didn’t even have to create the paid product. I bought the rights to Paul’s and sold that. I don’t owe Paul anything after paying $97 for the rights. I keep all the dough I earn.

Last time I checked (it’s gone up since then), Paul’s course has brought in $53,676 for me since October 2016, and that’s from barely even trying.

Nowhere do I advertise this course. The only way you can get it is by signing up for my eBook, and even then I don’t advertise the offer until the person’s email address has been entered.

And by the way: why wouldn’t it bring in that much? After all, it solves a major problem my audience has. If they didn’t have that problem they wouldn’t be seeking out my eBook in the first place.

Here’s the punchline: this Paul Counts fellow is going to answer your questions in a live session this week.

First he’s going to give us a presentation building on what I just explained here (valuable stuff, surely, right?). And then he’s taking your questions, on whatever you’re stuck on, even if you’re stuck on step one.

I don’t think I’ve ever managed to swing something like this before, with someone as experienced, knowledgeable, and successful as Paul.

So please: make the time to be there.

And remember: Paul is the seventh great-grandson of Patrick Henry, so there’s a certain novelty involved in chatting with him….

Reserve your seat right away:

http://www.tomwoods.com/counts

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